Chapter 16 – Alan: Control
Alan begins, “After I was arrested, a doctor who is a leading authority on pedophilia told me that sex really wasn't the driving force behind my perverted actions. At the time, I thought that this was the stupidest statement I had ever heard. I was convinced that everything I had ever done in life had always been centered on what I saw as my uncontrollable perverted sexual desires. As soon as I heard him utter those words, I was angry. I was mad because after all those years of hiding in my twisted world of sexual fantasies and perverted offending, my carefully maintained facade had finally been ripped away, and I was in a position where I could speak honestly and openly with a leading expert. And his answer seemed totally wrong. Was he nuts? How could I have spent my entire life, both as a child and adult, constantly molesting little boys and now have him try to tell me that sex was not really at the root of it all?” After my younger brother was arrested, I remember conversations I had with him prior to his trial that were very similar to Alan's comments about himself. My brother was incredulous that he was actually accused of improper behavior with a minor. He swore to me that everything he and his victim had done was completely voluntary. “They were in love.” He also went on to explain he was trying to save the boy from neglect by his drug addicted mother. He was very angry the police would believe a worthless mother's drug induced rantings above an upstanding citizen such as himself (my brother was a manager of a nursing home in a very small South Texas Town). He had picked his victim very well and he thought himself above the law, or at least above the scandal of publicly accusing him. He was sure the nursing home and the boy would avoid any public knowledge of his pedophilia.
My brother was tried and convicted of improper behavior with a minor. He spent 6 years in jail. As part of his defense, he was interviewed by a doctor, and was told he was definitely a pedophile. He preferred boys from the ages of 11 to 14. Of course, this interview was used against him by the prosecution. The similarity of my brother to Alan is uncanny. My brother convinced his Attorney he was totally innocent of any wrong doing and had no idea why the boy and druggie mother were lying about him. I suppose in his enthusiasm to convince the attorney of his innocence, he agreed to the psychological test, or perhaps he thought he had gotten by with abuse so many times in the past he could do it again. I don't really know what he was thinking because I never spoke to him again, however, I can and do see similarities between Alan and my brother. They both continued to escalate the abuse of their victims, and in the case of my brother, he could not give up on the boy he abused even after being caught because he was “in control”.
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