Chapter 12 - Amy: Secrets
Amy, page 79, para 2 "Writing this book was originally fraught with difficult decisions about what to divulge and what to keep private. Yet I could not write a book about the damage caused by keeping secrets and simultaneously not reveal my secret. So, although I felt I risked losing the family I was born into, not keeping any secrets in this book was necessary and something important enough to risk that loss." Keeping my childhood abuse secret risked that my sons might be abused by my younger brother and that my niece might be abused by my older brother (her father). As it turned out both occurred.
I did not find out about my niece's abuse until I came out into the open with my secret. While attending a luncheon together, the speaker asked the audience to raise hands if we were victims of child abuse. To our mutual surprise and dismay we both raised our hands. We were both abused at the hands of the same family member, my brother, her father. In a way, I blame myself for her abuse. At the very least, I feel responsible. I had many opportunities to tell my niece's mother what my brother, (her husband) had done to me. However, at that time I had blocked everything associated with child abuse from my mind. When my niece told me of her abuse at the hands of my brother, I asked her where her mother was during these incidents and all she could answer was she didn't know. Her parents eventually divorced, and my niece built a close relationship with her Mother. I never forgave mine.
I'm glad I told my family, “the abuse within our family stops now”. Outside my immediate family, I have told my brother's second wife what he did to me but she refuses to believe. Moreover, my niece told her what he did to her and she refuses to believe her as well. Each of us must remove the cloak of secrecy and shine headlights on those who have abused us. We owe that to those who stand to become child abuse victims in the future.
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