This chapter is disturbing for me. Having an older brother and a younger brother that are pedophiles is bad enough, looking inside their brain is maddening. I don't know where to start except to encourage you to read this chapter for yourself. Alan said, "As I have pointed out, pedophiles want to see themselves as victims in order to justify their not setting any personal limits. Seeing ourselves as the ones being victimized allows us to do anything without any real sense of guilt or responsibility. For anyone who wants to perpetuate a view of himself as a victim, fantasy is a very effective tool. Even in creating our fantasies, however, pedophiles attempt to find ways of avoiding responsibility." About 3 years before my second husband died, he wanted to help my younger brother escape the tight, overbearing grip my mother had on him. My brother had been fired from yet another job for improper behavior with a child. Once again my brother was being "falsely accused" of abusing a young boy. I knew enough at that point to realize he was guilty again as in all the other firings for improper advances toward young boys.
When I questioned my brother, he turned the conversation around accusing me of not loving him and not having any faith in him. He threatened to kill himself so I could be rid of him permanently. This guilt trip went on until I just gave up questioning him. I talked my brother into visiting a psychiatrist who had helped me through a bout of depression. Of course he lied to the psychiatrist about his real problem: pedophilia. He was afraid that a psychiatrist would turn a confessed pedophile over to the authorities. The psychiatrist gave my brother samples of Zoloft to break the destructive cycle of insomnia, suicidal thoughts, and self loathing (or at least these were the symptoms he shared with me).
The psychiatrist asked that my brother return in 2 weeks for a follow up visit. When the date rolled around, he refused to honor the appointment. My brother confessed he had stopped taking the medication after a few days because he could not remember his dreams. I was confused and asked if he thought living a somewhat 'normal' life was more important than remembering your dreams? He looked at me like I was crazy and said "remembering my dreams is the most important thing to me."
I did not understand then that he was most likely referring to his ability to fantasize, masturbate, and eventually get to a place where he could victimize again. He soon started paying attention to my 15 year old neighbor, so I suggested it was time for him to move out of my house. My husband preferred to give him the benefit of his love and understanding and counseled my brother to come out of the closet and live a healthy homosexual life with a loving male partner. My husband erroneously considered my brother a homosexual rather than a pedophile.
Soon my brother got a job and moved out of our house. It took him about a year to be fired from this job for making improper advances to one of the female employees 5-year old sons. My brother had volunteered to babysit for her while she went out and partied. Right! I found out about all of this when he came running to me for help. As usual, my husband wanted to help him and I reluctantly allowed him back into our lives. I got my brother a job on an offshore drilling rig. I thought that at least for 21 days he could not hurt a child. We tried to get my brother to stay in our spare bedroom when he was on-shore, but he no longer felt comfortable around us so off he went back to my mother's enabling arms, only to end up being arrested and imprisoned for 6 years. I have not spoken to him in 10 years and have no intention to do so. I realize that I enabled my brother to continue to prey on young boys and that had I not come to his rescue on several occasions, he would have been imprisoned far sooner.
I know a lot more now about pedophiles from reading this book. I am glad and relieved that I finally removed myself from both of my brothers lives.
Your comments are appreciated.
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